Scott's MD-PhD Adventure

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Epileptic Gerbils

Penultimate Animal Class on selecting which animal models to use.

"You know that old can't get blood out of a turnip. Well a mouse is pretty small, so if you want an animal model for blood analysis, I wouldn't use a mouse."

"Gerbils are particularly prone to epilepsy - don't move around too fast or you'll give them seizures. Depending on what you want to study, gerbils may not be the best model."

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Grandma vs. DentistCousin

Apparently there's drama, so much so that my dad felt the need to ask Mike & me for our opinions.

Part 1: My dad asks Mike what he thinks.

Part 2: My dad now asks me. This includes my new favorite quote ~6 min in
"Let me ask you a question...big deal! So instead of making $2000 a day he makes $1700 a day. Big deal! It's only $300 and it's family. That's what I'm saying!"

Part 3: My dad discusses his chiropractor as an example of giving services for free. Then...back to dentist craziness. And podiatry talk too at the end.



We discuss potatoes, MSG, and potential restaurants with my parents, over breakfast which Mike made for them.


Saturday, November 24, 2007


My father and mother try to figure out how to use my spare key to open the lobby door. This is apparently difficult and requires practice.
Notice my father checking out the thermostat every time he can, to convince himself how cold he is inside.


Friday, November 23, 2007

Still Cold Parents: Day5

Type A Personality

My mother, Mike, and I went shopping this morning while my dad went to the gym. This is the conversation we had while walking home...
Mom: Can we print our boarding passes for tomorrow?
Me: Sure
Mom: Well, we have to do at 24 hours before the flight, that's when we can print it.
Me: What happens if you don't do it right away?
Mom: Well, then we can't get the seats we want. We want to be in the "A" group.
Mike: Which seats do you want?
Mom: Your dad likes to sit in the back?
Mike: Those are the worst seats! Why would you want to sit back there?
Mom: That's where he likes to sit.
Mike: That is the least desirable section. You have to wait in a long line to get off the train.
Mom: He wants to be back there.
Mike: Yes, but nobody else does. You can get on last and still get a seat back there.
Mom: He wants to sit by the window too.
Mike: Yes, and most people want the aisle.
Me: I think you'll be ok if you're in the "B" group.
Mom: Well I'd like to try for "A" anyway.


We got back from shopping and told my dad a story.
Mike: We saw two people wearing Jews for Jesus shirts.
Dad: I would have given them my opinion!
Me: *to Mike* What'd he say?
Mike: *to me* He said he would give them his opinion.
Dad: What'd you say Mike?
Mike: I told him what you said, that you'd give them your opinion.
Dad: I'd give them my opinion!

Still Cold

We went back out to get some food for tonight's dinner. Before we left, my father was cold, with the thermostat, or as he calls it "the thermometer," set at 67. He asked if we could make it warmer. We turned it up to 70.
For dinner, my father has "special" food requirements, meaning he will only eat a burger or a steak. So we got him some ground beef, etc.
We arrive back, and he is sitting on the couch, in sweatpants and a sweatshirt with a blanket covering him. He loudly whispers to my mother about how he's freezing, freezing cold, it's cold, his hands are like ice, and he's never coming here in winter again.


Thursday, November 22, 2007

Finicky Parents: Day4


We were leaving to go up to Steve&Shane's for Thanksgiving. My dad was finding his shoe protector things that he puts on his sneakers to keep them warm and walk in the snow.
Dad: Do you think they'll care if I wear my rubbers?
Me: Huh?
Dad: My rubbers! For my shoes! Will I look weird?
Me: If I say yes, aren't you going to wear them anyway?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Ok. Well then go ahead.

Yes Or No

On the train going up there
Dad: When you're done, are you going to do research?
Me: Why do you often ask yes or no questions, when the answer is somewhere in between?
Dad: It's a simple question!
Me: Well the answer is yes, eventually I'll do research when I finish, but immediately after I finish, probably not. Does that mean I should have said yes or a no?
Dad: Forget it! You live in another world!


Mom: I'm excited to meet Shane's dog!
Me: Yes, and Shane took some cute pictures with the dog.
Dad: Is Shane finicky?
Me: What?
Dad: *louder* Is he finicky!
Me: I have no idea what that means.
Mom: Jer, I don't know what you mean either.
Dad: Finicky!
Me: Yes, you said that.
Dad: I knew this beautician, Steve, and he was finicky.
Mom: He cut your hair.
Dad: No he didn't!
Mom: I thought he did.
Dad: No, Val, he didn't. That was someone else
Mom: What was his name?
Dad: I can't remember his name!
Me: Was he finicky too?
Dad: Anyway, Steve, he used to, when I was having my hair cut by...Frank! His name was Frank!
Mom: That's right!
Dad: When I had my hair cut by Frank, he used to stop and tell me to turn around and watch Steve. Steve would drop a comb in some guy's lap, and then reach down and try to grab it and feel around and touch him.
Me: Ok?
Dad: It was a riot. Frank would laugh at Steve and get a kick out of what he did.
Me: Ok?
Dad: So is Shane finicky!?!
Me: I don't understand. Whatever you mean by finicky, I don't think that's Shane.

At the house

My dad got in the house, removed his rubbers, and spent time in the TV room, which was coincidentally the coldest room in the house. He eventually had to ask Steve for a NorthFace jacket to wear around the house. He wore it during dinner, which was in the living room attached to the kitchen, with 30 people and an oven on all day. He complained throughout dinner and after about how it was freezing and he was cold. He had my mother close a window, without asking anyone else for permission, even though it had to be at least 75 if not higher inside.
He also played hide&seek with the children, ages 3-7. None of the kids knew who he was.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

You're Out. Parents: Evening3

We watched Project Runway with them.

5 minutes in...
Dad: Is this show for real? This is so stupid.

10 minutes in...
Dad: You know what's better than this?...Bill O'Reilly!

Übergay Christian: This will be so fierce
Dad: Is that a man?
Me: It's an annoying homosexual
Mom: Haha
Dad: What'd he say?
Mom: He said it's an annoying homosexual
Dad: There's more than one there!

Tim Gunn: Today's fashion icon special guest is...*Sarah Jessica Parker walks out*
Dad: Who's that?
Us: Sarah Jessica Parker!
Dad: Never heard of her
Us: She was on sexy and the city
Dad: Never heard of it
Mom: Jerry, she's married to Matthew Broderick
Dad: Never heard of him!

Heidi Klum: One of you is in, and one of you is out.
Dad: Who cares!

Cue sad music as someone gets kicked off...
Dad: This is so phony!
Me: You watch wrestling!
Dad: It's funny.
Me: Isn't this?
Mike: This is funny.
Mom: This isn't what I thought it would be. I kinda like it.


Watch This. Parents: Day3

Don't Call Me 5! I'm 4!

Dad: Scott! I want to go try out my shoes indoors somewhere. Where can I go?
Me: You can go down to the parking garage. Take the elevator to P.
Dad: B?
Me: P. For parking garage. There are all numbers and one letter.
Dad: And that's warm?
Me: If you mean, is it indoors, the answer is yes.
Dad: Ok, I have the keys. I'll be back.
5 minutes later, a knock at the door.
Dad: Why did you tell me wrong! The garage wasn't indoors.
Me: *sigh* where did you go?
Dad: I walked by the laundry!
Me: That's one, not P.
Dad: That's where the elevator went!
Me: Stop blaming other people and other things. You didn't go to P. And why didn't you just come in?
Dad: I couldn't get the keys to work.
Me: Ok
Dad: Why didn't the elevator work?!? I had to come up the stairs!
Me: You mean, 'Scott, can you show me how to use the elevator?'
Dad: Val! I gotta go down again and try these shoes. What should I do if I can't get back up?
Mom: Jer, why don't you take the cell phone and call us.
Dad: Ok, Val, gimme a pen and paper. Scott what's your home #
Me: Aren't you taking the cell?
Dad: Yes
Me: Isn't my cell phone programmed in there?
Dad: Just gimme the #
Mom: Scott, we don't know how to do that
Me: Ok, well gimme the phone and I'll do it
Dad: Scott just gimme the #! I have to go!
Me: You are not in a rush. I'm not giving you the number.
Dad: Val! Tell him to give me the #!
Mom: Scott just give him the # so he can write it down if he wants to.
Me: No, he can stop acting like a 5 year old.
Dad: *throws down paper and pen* Forget it! Val! I'm leaving! If I'm not back in 15 minutes, come looking for me! I may be lost or dead!

Pick Up

My dad is still convinced he's unable to travel the 2 blocks it takes to walk to and from the train tomorrow. He was hoping Steve's parents would have a car and be able to pick them up.
Dad: Where is their place that they're staying?
Me: Why do you ask?
Dad: Where is their place Scott?
Me: I can't answer that appropriately unless I know what you are asking.
Dad: This is ridiculous!
Me: What are you really trying to ask?
Dad: I'm trying to find out if they're staying in the same place, and where it is.
Me: No it's not. You need to have mom translate for you.
Dad: Val! I want to know where they are staying.
Me: Does he want to know general information? Or is he trying to find out something else.
Mom: Well Jer, what do you want to know?
Dad: *exasperation* Where is their place!
Me: Yes, and I can answer that question better if I know why he's asking.
Mom: Why does that matter Scott?
Me: I believe he wants to know if they could pick you up tomorrow morning.
Mom: Is that what you want to know Jer?
Dad: That was my second question!
Me: Then shouldn't the question just be "are they staying close enough to pick us up?" Why are you bothering to ask me all of this other stuff when the answer means nothing to you? If I say River North, that's meaningless
Mom: He's right Jer.
Dad: How far away are they!
Me: Yes, they are staying close enough to pick you up, if they have a car.
Dad: How many minutes away?
Me: Probably 10.
Dad: They should pick us up!


We get on the brownline to go return shoes. We get separated, and my dad asks where we're getting off. I tell him Sedgwick. A few stops later, the train is full.
Dad: Scott are we there?
Me: Almost. One more stop.
Dad: *across train, over ~10 people* Val! Next stop!
Me: You didn't tell her?!?
Dad: I thought you did.
Me: I wasn't near her.
We get off the train and start walking.
Dad: Val, do you know what would you have done if you didn't get off the train with us?
Mom: I would have gotten off at the next stop, turned around, and come back on the next train to you.
Dad: No, you should have gotten off at the next stop and waited for us to come find you!
Me: Why are you discussing this? I wasn't letting either of you not get off the train.
Dad: It's important to plan ahead!


After shoe return, we take a bus to the MCA. My parents met some of my friends last night. Then we discussed them while waiting for the bus.
Mom: Who was the one with the curly hair?
Me: Yalda
Mom: She was very pretty, a very pretty face.
Me: Yes.
Dad: Does she have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes
Dad: Where's she from?
Me: California
Dad: No, where's she from!
Me: She's Iranian.
Mom: And who was the other girl, with straight hair?
Me: Irene.
Dad: She's from Iran too?
Me: No, I said Irene, not Iran.
Dad: Does she have a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Mom: She was pretty too.

Bus, Other Bus

Also while waiting for the bus
Mom: Scott, do we want a particular bus that stops here?
Me: See that sign up there? That tells you it's a bus stop. And do you see how there is only one # listed? That means only one bus stops here.
Dad: So that's the bus we want?
Me: Ugh, yes, obviously.
We wait, looking in the distance.
Dad: I see a bus! Scott, is that the bus?
Me: That is a bus, yes.
Dad: Is that the bus?
Me: No, it's not the bus.
It comes closer.
Dad: Scott, that's a bus! You were wrong!
Me: I said it was a bus. What are you talking about?
Dad: You said only one bus stops here!
Me: That bus is not stopping here. It is not a city bus. It is some other bus that happens to be driving on this street.
Dad: So where is our bus?
Me: Not here


We get to the MCA.
Dad: When are we going to dinner?
Me: What?
Dad: I need to go home before we go to dinner. I'm drenched! I'm soaked! My shirt is soaking wet!
Me: Ok, then we'll go home before we go to dinner.
My dad goes through the entire Rock&Roll in the 60s-70s exhibit in like 10 minutes. My mother goes through and says thinks like "ooh, Detroit" about the art. As I had already seen it multiple times, I kept sitting and yawning after them exhausting me all day.
Dad: Are you bored?
Me: No, I can entertain myself just fine.
Dad: You're yawning! You need sleep! Are you tired!
Me: No, I'm ok. *walks away*
Five minutes later, I see them both again.
Mom: Dad said you're bored and ready to go.
Me: What?!? I never said that! *yawns again*
Dad: Val he's yawning! You are tired!
Me: I'm ok
Dad: Why are you so tired?
Me: You are making me tired!

Cold & Irrelevant

At dinner, my dad finally asks Mike something that had been bugging him. My dad had convinced himself that last year, Mike's dad said "I was going to go visit a friend in the Arctic, but they told me I'm not allowed to go because my blood can't handle it." He asked me about it the other day, and now he asked Mike.
Dad: Mike, didn't your dad say he was gonna go to the Arctic, but his blood was too thin?
Mike: My dad never said that.
Dad: He said he was going to go somewhere cold, but he couldn't go.
Mike: He has a friend who lives in Norway, but I doubt he would go visit his friend during the winter.
Dad: Why not?
Me: Does anyone want to go to Norway in winter?
Mom: Jerry, it's cold!
Mike: It's Norway in winter. It's dark almost the whole time.
Dad: Let me give you an example. In the Northwest Territories, it's dark the whole day during winter.
Me: ...Ok.
Mike: ...Yes?
Me: That is a true statement.
Dad: What is?
Me: The Northwest Territories have dark days in winter. That is true, but irrelevant.
Mike: It's like that game, true false or irrelevant?

Watch This

After dinner, on the train going home...
Dad: *whispers* Val, watch this. Scott!
Me: Uh huh.
Dad: Scott, why didn't you ask the waiter if he wanted to open a Greek restaurant in Phoenix.
Me: Why would I want to ask him something that's not funny?
Dad: I thought it was funny!
Mike: Isn't the question why would you ask that?
Dad: Why not!
Mom: To be goofy Scott


Me sitting in my room working on this post, mother comes in to talk to me.
Mom: Scott, have you ever seen NCIS?
Me: Never heard of it?
Mom: You would like it. There's a guy who's an old pro. There's another guy, and he's new, so they call him Proby. Then there's a girl. She works in the lab. She's Gothic. She wears skull necklaces.
Me: Do you mean Goth?
Mom: Huh? Oh! Hahaha! I guess that's what I mean. She wears those necklaces, and she has tattoos. She's good. I like the investigative shows.
Me: Ok.


Shoes in the Square: Day3 Morning

Shoes in the Square
The shoes from yesterday, when tried on this morning, no longer fit correctly. He thinks he needs another size, so they decide to find another location of Fleet Feet.
Dad: You got a yellow pages?
Me: No, of course not
Dad: Who doesn't have a yellow pages?
Mike: People don't use that. We look that up online.
Mom: Jer, they can use the computer.
Dad: Fine! Look up where else we can go!
Mom: *looks* It says there is one in Lincoln Square
Dad: Where is lincoln square?
Me: Is that what you want to ask?
Dad: Yes, where is lincoln square!
Me: Isn't the question "can we get to lincoln square by public transportation?"
Dad: *loud sigh* No! Where is lincoln square!
Me: Fine, it's just west of andersonville. Was that helpful?
Dad: I don't know what that means!
Me: I know that, which is why I said it was the wrong question.
Dad: Well how far is it?
Me: You mean, how long would it take to get there?
Dad: Is it far!?!
Me: If it's too far or takes too long, aren't you still gonna go?
Dad: Yes!
Me: Ok, well then I would argue the only thing that matters is how many blocks the store is from the station. That's all you care about. You need to look that up on google maps.
Mom: I'm on mapquest!
Me: Ok, well use google maps.
Mom: Jer come look! It doesn't look far. The M is for the train station, but the green arrow is for the store. It's on Lincoln Avenue.
Dad: It's raining!


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Vitamin Crazy. Parents: Day2


My dad is sleeping on an air mattress, the same one he slept on last year. He had a question for me when he got up.
Dad: Scott. Question. Is that the same mattress as last year?
Me: Yes.
Dad: It's not different?
Me: No.
Dad: Ok. Can you try to explain something? Last year, it was long enough. But this year, my feet hang over the edge.
*pauses for 5-10 seconds*
Dad: Do you know why that is?
Me: Were you sleeping at an angle last year?
Dad: I did last night too!
Me: Ok, it's one of 2 things. Either you slept at a better angle last year, or you don't remember last year very accurately.
Dad: My memory is great!
Me: Ok.
Mom: Jerry, did you sleep at a different end of the bed last year? Maybe you were lying at the foot of the bed!
Me: It's an air mattress. Why does that matter?
Mom: It could make a difference!
Dad: Oooh! I know! I went to the chiropractor - maybe I got taller because my spine was adjusted.
Me: I don't think that's it.
Dad: You don't know! It could be!
Me: Ok, it's one of 3 things. I think that we've narrowed it down.

Narrow Range of Temperature

I bring the parents to my school, by the train.
Dad: Scott, it was too cold last night! I needed every blanket.
Me: Ok.
We walk outside to the train.
Dad: Oh is it cold out!
Me: It's 50.
Mom: Jer, I'm not even wearing my hat!
Dad: It's freezing!
Me: No it's not
Dad: Scott, we're not used to this! You don't know my body.
We see a woman walking to get coffee, clearly having left her coat at work, wearing a skirt and professional blouse
Dad: She must be freezing. She's nuts!
Mom: Well, she's used to it.
Me: She's obviously just getting coffee.
Dad: *to her* Aren't you cold?!?
We take the train to school, and get inside a hallway.
Dad: Val! It's way too hot in here!
Mom: They have the heat on Jer.
Me: Don't you like it hot?
Dad: This is way too hot. It's ridiculous. I'm gonna sweat!
We walk around and talk to people, eventually getting on the train to go back to Chinatown.
Dad: *feeling train* I think they got the air conditioning on! That's nuts!
Me: Doesn't that keep the temperature from being too hot?
Dad: Scott, the a/c is on in winter!
Me: You are insane. Every temperature is too hot or too cold. What the hell is an acceptable temperature?!?
Dad: I like Phoenix. It's 110.
Me: How is that not too hot? And the hallway was?
Dad: Scott, you have to understand one thing - I like the heat.

Chinese Food

We went for Spring World $4 lunch special at 1pm. My dad refused to get anything because 1) he was too stuffed from breakfast (Lox Eggs and Onions at 7:30am) and 2) he doesn't like non-breast chicken meat. My mother said the sauce was "really good. really flavorful."

Figuring out the L

After Chinatown, we got on the train to go to some shoe store in Old Town. We take the redline north to North/Clybourn.
Dad: Is this our train?
Me: Only one train comes here.
Dad: So this is it?
Me: If only one train comes here, and a train is here, what do you think?
Dad: Scott! I just asked a question!
We board.
Dad: What stop did we get on at?
Me: We're going to North and Clybourn.
Dad: Ok. Where did we get on? *looks up at stop listing*
Me: Chinatown
Dad: That's 6 stops!
Me: No, it's 10.
Dad: Let's many to North/Claybourn. Roosevelt that's one...Clark/Division that's 9, ok 10 stops to North/Claybourn!
Me: That's what I said.
Dad: How long will it take?
Me: About 20 minutes.
Mom: *looks at watch* really?
Me: Yup
Dad: Ok Val, that's 20 minutes to north and claybourn.
Announcement: This is Grand and State.
Dad: Chicago's next! 3 more stops Val!
Announcement: This is Chicago and State.
Dad: 2 more stops Val!
Announcement: This is Clark and Division.
Dad: Scott, what stop do we get off at?
Me: Oh! My! God! You are driving me crazy!
Announcement: This is North and Clybourn.
Mom: Jerry! You said it was Claybourn!
Dad: How long did that take Val?
Mom: *looks at watch* 16 minutes!
Dad: Scott you were wrong!
Me: I said 20 minutes, because if I said 15, you would be annoyed every second after 15 minutes and I'd have to hear about it. So I over-estimated.

How far?

I decided we would go get bagels, and get some lox so we can make lox eggs and onions at home, instead of him going out for it, cause, well, our eggs are better.
Dad: Is the shoe store right here?
Me: No, we're going to get bagels.
Dad: How far is that!
Me: A few blocks that way.
Dad: Where are the shoes?
Me: Back the other way.
Dad: How will we get there!
Me: A bus.
Dad: How long will that take!
Me: A few minutes.
After bagels, we get on the bus.
Dad: What stop will we get off at?
Me: You'll get off when I say to get off.
Dad: How far are we going?
Me: I've already told you.
Dad: How long will it take?
Me: Please stop!
Dad: Are we going too far?
Me: You are being incredibly frustrating!
Dad: I just like to know where I'm going.

Shoes. Let's get some shoes.

My dad tried on shoes for ~20 min while my mother and I went to the grocery store. We came back, and the following antics ensued.
Dad: This shoe is no good.
Mom: How many have you tried Jer?
Dad: 6 or 7. Nothing fits.
Salesman: So what did you say you will be using the shoes for?
Dad: Walking
Salesman: So are you going running? On trails?
Dad: Nah, just for getting around. You got anything for me?
Salesman: I'll go see what else I can find.
Salesman: Ok, I have these 3 that I pulled. This one is especially good for walking around but it's not a running shoe.
Dad: I might run in it!
Salesman: I thought you said you didn't need a running shoe.
Dad: Sometimes I use them for running!
Salesman: Ok, well, I have another one here that could be used for both. Try this on.
Dad: *puts them on* It's tight around the middle. Let me try it. *walks around* My foot goes right through it!
Me: Does that mean the shoe is too big or too small?
Dad: Too small!
Me: How can it be too tight around the middle, and yet your foot is able to slide forward and allegedly go right through it?
Dad: Don't tell me how my feet work.
Me: I'm not talking about your feet, I'm talking about physics and logic.
Dad: They were too tight and my foot went through it.
Me: Doesn't that mean you need a bigger size?
Dad: No, my arches won't sit on it right. I have high arches.
Mom: Scott, your dad has high arches. Plus, his left foot is bigger than the right. So if he gets a bigger size, then the right shoe won't fit.
Me: Doesn't that mean he just needs two different sizes?
Mom: Yeah, well, that doesn't work.
After 45 min of this poor salesman's time, and a few different verions of "are you sure you're not gonna open a store in Phoenix?" he had one pair to buy, which they brought up to the register. They were rung up, but the credit card machine line was down, so it took a couple minutes to restart. He was walking around and breathing heavily, giving my mother looks, muttering under his breath, and after 2 whole minutes, gives up.
Dad: Excuse me! Can you hurry up? We have somewhere to be at 4:30!
Me: We're not in a rush. Calm down.
Dad: *evil look* Scott! You have no street smarts.
Me: They can't make the phone line restart any faster.
Dad: I wanna get out of here.
Me: You made them bring you 10+ pairs of shoes, while we waited. If it's anyone's turn to have patience, it's yours.

Vitamin Crazy

Typed by Mike
Jerry: I need Gatorade. I thought a sports person like Scott would have Gatorade in the house. I always have Gatorade. I need vitamins and potassium. Gatorade has everything.
Mike: No, I don't know anyone who always has it around. I do know a lot of people who like vitaminwater though. Not all the time, of course. Have you had vitaminwater?
Jerry: No.
Mike: Have you heard of vitaminwater?
Val: Scott said earlier he offered some to Jer but we didn't know what it was and Scott said you had some.
Mike: Here, I think we have some. *finds the random bottle or two of flavors we don't like from the retreat*
Val: Oh look they have some. Jerry did you see this?
Jerry: What's in it.
Val: Let me find my reading glasses.
Jerry: It will say how much potassium it has. I need potassium.
Val: It says 10%.
Jerry: Gatorade has a ton of potassium it has everything I need. Scott's going to get me some Gatorade at the store.
Mike: The vitaminwaters have different things. Which one are you looking at?
Val: Oh it says… power-c. Oh. It must have vitamin c. *looks*. Jerry, this one has a lot of vitamin c.
Jerry: I took my vitamin c today I took three pills 1500 milligrams. I took my vitamin c.
Mike: and promptly peed it out.
Val: The other one says potassium.
Jerry: How much potassium?
Val: I don't know
Jerry: It says! right on the bottle!
Val: I'm looking.
Jerry: It says! Look for it it says how much potassium.
Val: Oh right here it is.
Mike: You see how they're different.
Jerry: Scott's getting me some Gatorade. You guys don't have gatorade in the house.
Val: Here it has __ potassium. Oh but Jerry you know what, it says it's reverse osmosis water.
Jerry: I can't have reverse osmosis!!
Mike: Excuse me?
Jerry: R-O water I can't have
Val: that's right, it… he has—
Jerry: I get heartburn. Acid reflux.
Val: that's right. From the R-O water. Because—
Mike: That is absurd.
Jerry: what do you mean?
Mike: It's water. You cannot possibly have a problem with a common and reliable filtration technique.
Val: He does.
Jerry: I get heartburn! They say, it's proven, that reverse osmosis… makes the water acidic.
Mike: Even if so, relative to other water. But you drink gatorade! Do you know what vitamin C is? Ascorbic acid.
Val: it's true you can give Jerry some water and he will say later, I think it was that reverse osmosis, I have heartburn now.
Jerry: It's acidic!
Mike: Not nearly as acidic as any of your precious Gatorade.
Jerry: I get terrible heartburn. From the water.
Mike: No you don't, that's ridiculous. It's water, that is impossible.
Val: Everyone is different.
Mike: No, not when it comes to water filtration. That's physically, chemically, impossible.
Jerry: I know the R-O water gives me heartburn.
Mike: Fine. Oh look Scott's back with the gatorade, just in time.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Infinite Loop: Parents Day 1

Here are today's topics...they sound like song names on an album lol.

Arrival Gifts

They walked in about 7pm.
Dad: Your door is open!
Me: Yes, it was not fully shut. I knew you were coming.
Dad: That's not safe!
Me: It's fine.
They trample through with their shoes on, rolling the suitcases and messing up the rugs.
Me: Remember we take our shoes off?
Mom: Yes we know.
Dad: *whispering* Val...cold...what do I do?
Mom: *whispering* You ask him!
Dad: Scott! Can I walk around in shoes? I just bought them at that shoe store. They aren't dirty.
Me: There's this thing called slippers. Do you not have them?
Dad: Can I borrow some!
Me: Sure.
My mother unpacks all of the gifts for us, immediately, while Mike was putting our soup in bowls to eat. We get 2 free orange athletic hats, a medium and a large free asics shirt, a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts that someone gave them ("you like fancy and exotic things!"), a fleece blanket ("in case your guests are cold because you didn't have enough blankets last year"), and a "Spirit of America" LunaCandle (came as a free sample) that she wasn't sure if she could give it to Steve&Shane for a hostess gift.
Light up your life with a color changing candle powered by Luna Candle. Enjoy the experience of this exclusive and unique technology.
Our Candles create instant ambiance and atmosphere in any room of a home, restaurant, bar, nightclub, spa or boutique.
Warmth, style, romance, and spirit – experience the Luna Candle Difference.

We suggested no on the candle gift.
Me: Is dad eating?
Mom: He had food at the airport.
Me: When you got here?
Dad: At 12! Before we left.
Me: That's your meal for the day?
Dad: No! I had breakfast!

Weather, Weather Channel, Tivo

Dad: Scott I wanna get the weather! How do I turn the TV on?
Me: Can you wait till after dinner?
Dad: No! I have to find out if it's gonna snow on Thursday.
I turn on the TV and we sit down for dinner. My dad interrupts 4 times to ask how to change the channels, and what kind of cable and tv we have because of our mythtv. He's very confused. This is all amidst shouts of "lousy!" (ESPN), "oh crap!" (Weather Channel), "stupid!" (FoxNews)

Obama, Politics, and FoxNews

Dad: Did you watch the convention?
Us: That's in 2008?
Dad: You know, the debate?
Us: There have been like 47 debates.
Dad: The last Democratic one!
Us: Not really.
Dad: Who do you want to win?
Us: We both like Obama
Dad: Did you read about him?
Us: Not some email forward crap. What are you referring to?
Dad: He's a Muslim!
Us: No, not really.
Dad: He was born Muslim!
Us: Nope, also not true. Let me're gonna say he went to a madrassa?
Dad: I wasn't gonna say that!
Us: That's the only part that's kinda true.
Dad: Which Republican do you like?
Us: None.
Dad: Do you like Huckabee?
Us: Nope
Dad: How about McCain?
Us: Nope
Dad: Giuliani?!?
Us: Nope. We said none.
Dad: So you like Hillary?
Us: We're not brainwashed by watching FoxNews all day and hearing how Hillary is evil.
Dad: I didn't say she's evil!
Us: Ok. Well FoxNews does.
Dad: That is true. FoxNews is Republican and CNN is Democrat and CNBC is very liberal.


Mom: What do you have for breakfast?
Me: A bunch of things. Lots of fresh local eggs.
Dad: Can I go get something to eat at that Jewish deli at 6am?
Me: Um, ok.
Dad: Are they open?
Me: *checks* they open at 7:30.
Dad: And they're a deli?!?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Alright, I wanna get my lox eggs and onions.
Me: We can make food here.
Dad: You won't be up early enough!

Infinite Loop

Dad: It's going to snow on Thursday, is there any other way we can get up to Steve&Shane's?
Me: There's a bus and a train.
Dad: Well how much are we outside?
Me: 2 blocks to walk to the train.
Dad: That's far! How close is the bus?
Me: Half a block. But you may have to wait 5 minutes.
Dad: That's too long! How much is a cab?
Me: $20
Dad: That's too expensive. How much is the train?
Me: $2, or less if you get a pass. But you have to walk to it.
Dad: What am I supposed to do if it's cold?!?

It's Early Morning and One Person Is Awake

Dad: You know, we know this one guy, he goes to bed at 7pm, and he's up at 3 every morning having a cup of coffee on his porch.
Me: That's crazy.
Dad: Yeah, people in Arizona get up early!
Mike: people?
Dad: Yeah, he'll be on his porch and he has like 5 or 6 friends come over and they have coffee.
Mike: Didn't you just say it was only one person?

The Mattress and The Feet

I blow up the air mattress for my dad at ~10pm with the pummp. My mother sleeps on the black folddown Chiasso couch.
Dad: That's wild!
Me: Ok.
Dad: Is that the same thing I had last year?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Ok, are we going to put it in the same place we had it last year?
Me: I don't remember last year. I know it was in the middle of the floor.

I obtain the sheets and blankets.
Dad: Val! Which blanket did I have last year?
Mom: I think this one Jer.
Dad: Are you sure? I had one for my feet.
Mom: Ok, well try it.
He gets in bed, laying the blankets down.
Dad: No, this isn't on my feet right. Can you try the other one?
Mom: Ok. *rearranges blanket for him, while he lies in bed*
Dad: Yes! That was the one I had last year. Oh is that good for my toes!

The City at Night

Mike and I decide to go get their 5day CTA cards at Jewel at 10:15. We call to make sure that they have them. Then we go put our shoes on, and tell them what they are doing as they lie in the living room in the dark.
Us: We're going to get your train cards
Mom: It's late!
Dad: Where are you going?
Us: The store
Mom: How far is that!
Dad: How long does that take?
Us: A few blocks. 15 minutes
Mom: I will give you money!
Dad: That's a bad neighborhood.
Us: Fine, thank you. No, it's not.
Dad: Isn't it cold out?
Us: No, it's not.
Dad: Are they open?
Us: Yes, we called.
Mom: So you both are going to walk there now?
Us: Yes!


Thursday, November 15, 2007

Fizzled Out

Animal Class: Euthanasia

What does euthanasia mean? Let's see what Webster's has to say...

An important parameter is reliability - if you have to do a physical method, like cervical dyslocation, and you're having a bad coffee day so you have the shakes, you might not always fully kill the animal.

It should also be irreversible - you don't want the rats chewing out of the bag the next day.

You should only use compressed gas when euthanizing with CO2. In the past people have used dry ice but that just freezer burns the mice. People have also used alka seltzer, you know the plop plop fizz fizz, but that's not enough CO2 concentration to kill them.

There's a special microwave with a focused beam that goes right to their head while they're in a restraint. Don't put your popcorn in here though!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Academic Exercise

(typed phonetically from what I heard)

Lili: Do you know...Million Dollar Baby?
Bob: Yeah
Lili: They have accent.
Bob: Ok
Lili: Where is it from?
Bob: I saw it so long ago, I don't remember. *looks up youtube trailer*
Lili: Yes that's it!
Bob: That's a hillbilly accent
Lili: Heh-buffy?
Bob: Hillbilly. It's like a southern accent
Lili: Hirr-billy?
Bob: Yes, hillbilly.
Lili: How is it different from the south? Is it more east?
Bob: It's more in the mountains I'd say
Lili: So she has to act that she has accent!
Bob: Yeah
Lili: Oh ok.

Lili: How about Frest Gum?
Bob: Forrest Gump?
Lili: Yeah. He probably has a thousand accent!
Bob: That's also a Southern accent. Those aren't really sophisticated Southern accents.
Lili: What is so-phis-ti-ca-ted?
Bob: I don't think I can do that accent.

Lili: I also like Clint Eastwood. When he was young he played a lot of cobweb!
Bob: Yes. He played cowboys.
Lili: And this film, he won the Oscar for directing.
Bob: Yup.
Lili: It seems his film is very successful academically!
Bob: What?
Lili: Didn't he win the Oscar? That is award for good academics?
Bob: No! That's the Academy Award. From the Academy of Motion Pictures
Lili: I thought that was Academic Award! Hehehe!


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Prequel Prelude

1:28:06 AM Mike: the correct word for your blogpost is "prelude" or "prologue"
1:28:22 AM Mike: not that abominable star wars movie word

I called my parents today to make sure everything was ok and to remind them to bring old pictures of me. We discussed shoes. Again. Notice how they learned some medical words and throw them around to seem like my dad has a good excuse.

Mom: Your dad has something to say.
Dad: Just tell him Val.
Mom: Jerry! It's your thing to say!
Dad: Fine.
Dad: I have no shoes. The only shoes I have are mesh sneakers. They are for hot weather. I have no shoes for chicago. I can't wear my sneakers in Chicago - I tried wearing them here and my feet were freezing. They were like ice! All the leather shoes I've tried don't fit. I can't come with no shoes! My feet will be freezing.
Me: Ok?
Dad: Scott! I can't wear my sneakers! There's a store having a grand opening near us. We're going at 7am so that we can try to find shoes. *sigh* I have the same problem as my mother. She had horrible feet.
Mom: Scott, there's this store from San Diego. We are going to the grand opening because we are premium members. We're gonna go early and try and find shoes.
Dad: They say to try on shoes at the end of the day when you've been walking. I can't do that. I've tried that. When I put the shoes on the next morning, my feet are killing me!
Me: So wait...your feet are bigger in the morning or the evening?
Dad: I have flexible arches! They can be different every day. Shoes can be good one time and bad another. The doctor has looked at my arches!
Mom: Scott, your dad has tried many different shoes. You know this.
Dad: Just like my mother!
Mom: He has some shoes that he can't even wear them for softball. But they're ok for a walk or the movies or whatever.
Me: Wouldn't you just get arch supports for when your arches are then lower?
Dad: I can't wear them. The doctor says I get plantar fascitis lumps. I tried them. I wore them for 2 weeks and I was in pain!
Mom: Your dad sometimes pronates when he walks and the arches make it worse.
Me: So, of course your feet will be in pain if you wear the same support for 2 weeks when your arches vary. I'm just saying, if your arches vary, wouldn't you have supports for different arch states, and use them accordingly?
Dad: Do you have $1000?!?!
Mom: Your dad says it doesn't work like that.
Me: Ok. I'm done trying to apply logic.
Dad: Scott, my feet are swollen! They're swollen! They're swollen right now!

Mom: Are we gonna have that party [where your friends hang out with us] again?
Me: Yes.
Dad: You gonna have the opera guy?
Me: Maybe. I don't know who's around yet.
Dad: How about the amazon guy - the one who went down the amazon?
Me: You'll see when you get here.
Dad: The indian guy?
Mom: Jerry! He said you'll see when you get there!

Me: So when do you get in?
Mom: The flight lands at 6:10pm
Dad: I'm eating dinner at the airport!
Mom: Jerry, we haven't decided that yet.
Dad: I can't eat too late! That's too late!
Mom: Well, maybe Mike can cook some of his delicious Italian food or something.
Me: Mike is happy to cook for you at any normal time.
Dad: What's normal!
Mom: Scott, you don't have to say what's normal
Dad: What's normal!
Me: 4 is not normal
Mom: Scott, people eat at different times. Restaurants are open then, so people can eat whenever they want. Today we had a show at 7. We got to the restaurant first at quarter to 5.
Dad: What's normal!
Me: Um, let's say 5-8.
Mom: That's fair.
Dad: I'm normal!!


Monday, November 12, 2007


Today's seminar was by this fabulous woman, Australian by birth but has lived in England for ~30 years. She reminded me of Eddie from AbFab, with her big black boots and large necklace, using the word "fantastic" to describe everything. She also kept referring to "squillions" of dollars, but I've yet to figure out if that means a lot or a little.

"My sister lives on this island between Tasmania and Australia. They have only 2 kinds of animals. This mutton bird, and a giant tiger snake, 4 times the size of a normal snake. And of course it's all black - there are no stripes on it! It's bloody ridiculous!"

"So what is Chicago famous for? What does the city do?"
- "Business?"
"Do you all still build cars?"
- "Um, no, that's Detroit"
"Ah right then! But Chicago is big?"
- "We're the third largest city in America, by population. Los Angeles is obviously the biggest by land size"
"That's right isn't it? You know, I've been to Los Angeles, but I never really found it. Know what I mean?"

Thursday, November 08, 2007

That's What She Said

Animal Class. Topic: Aseptic Technique

If you're going to implant something, make sure it's sterile, otherwise you're giving them a bunch of bacteria and closing them off.

If you go over to the animal facilities, and start walking around, someone will ask you to leave! We want traffic flow to a minimum

If my cat was sick, and then i walked into the OR in my street clothes, that's not a good idea. So we use scrubs.

And a sort of top 10 innuendo/That's What She Said one-liners on various aspects of aspetic technique...

*We don't like wood cause it isn't easy to sterilize. Wood in the OR is not a good idea.
*You put your instrument in, it only needs for about 10-15 seconds.
*When you put it in, make sure it isn't all gooey first.
*You wanna clip a wide margin, you don't want any hair in the way.
*Position them so they're still, it's hard to hit a moving target.
*When you're peeling, the thing in the middle pops out. Then another person can grab it.
*Once you start this process, you don't wanna touch anything else.
*Start with your fingers, cause those are gonna be inside. Do 5-10 strokes for each finger.
*It's great to practice on something that doesn't need to recover, just so you get an idea of what you're doing
*You don't want things too tight.
*Be gentle, these are living tissues.

Monday, November 05, 2007

It's A Large World

Yay for WaitWait informing me that America is too fat and thus It's A Small World has to be refurbished so the boats don't scrape the bottom.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Quotes of the Weekend

Friday night, 3:30am, redline southbound.
Black 18-24 year old male, as gay as you can get without being a tranny. After singing Dreamgirls with his friend, says...
"You know what's a good song, the transvestite song from Rent. She be all 'Today for you! Tomorrow for me!' But realistically, how many trannies you know bouncing around banging on shit?"

Saturday night, 12:30am, walking north on Halsted around Cornelia.
Black ~30 year old male standing outside on the street sees Mike&I walking, holding hands.
"Awwww y'all two is cute! Who pee in who booty?"

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Better Late Than Never

How am I just now discovering this band/artist/black woman?

I heard about them on EW, among other artists, and found this video. I'm in love.

Obviously Bad

Animal Class. Today's topic: Anesthetics and Analgesics

The environment can have an effect on your animals. Think about it, if you were crammed in coach for days and days, and then moved to first class, you would be different too.

You don't wanna rest your surgical tools on the animal's chest cause it's not gonna be able to breathe. It's only 25g! Ha!

Hypothermia is a serious problem, and some people try to warm cold animals up quickly with a heat lamp. Don't put it right on them because you're gonna roast them! Hehehe. Heat lamps should be at least 3 feet away.

Obviously if the mouse wants to keep rolling over, he's not adequately anesthetized yet!

You don't want circulatory or respiratory failure. It's really hard to do CPR in a mouse! *pauses for nonexistent laughter*

You can check certain reflexes when anesthetizing. If you can touch their cornea and they don't blink...they're dead. That's obviously bad.