So, Mike is in Chicago for summer. And since we don't want him getting fat (ha!), he needs a gym to be workin' on his fitness.
I discovered my school gym indeed offers domestic partner membership at faculty/staff rates. Aka $90 for the summer. However, you need a ton of proof if you do not have a Cook County Domestic Partner card (Seriously? We're 26. "Irrevocable living trust"?). After some investigation, we realized obtaining our Cook County DP cards would be the path of least resistance. So this morning, we headed down...
Walking in, we were greeted by a line of 0 people. Fortunately, the "Domestic Partner Application - $30" sign was at a separate but equal counter. We were helped by Toni, who had no name tag but whose name was mentioned later.
Us: Hi, we'd like to register.
Toni: Ok, I'm gon' need your drivers licenses. *begins clicking & typing in computer*
Toni: This is my first one!
During this time we begin noticing a few other county employees. An old white lady wearing one of those large brown poncho/pashmina/blanket/rug things over her outfit. She's sitting at a desk on the phone.
Toni: *pauses her singing along to gospel radio station and turns around to black man* Hey! How do I know which one is first?!?
Man: Give them the form and let them pick.
Toni: Ok, you need to fill dis out.
From the back door, an overweight white woman emerges in acid washed jean shorts, a red and white thin striped t-shirt, and light blue crocs.
Toni: *to man* Am I entering their names right?
Man: *comes over to look* No, you gotta put the middle name over here.
Toni: Lord have mercy! Jesus help me! I'm so sorry!
Us: No problem. :)
Man: You have to get their form notarized.
Toni: My boss will be back in a minute.
Toni returns to her desk, while singing the Mary J song on the radio. Latino straight couple enters, walks to real marriage counter. They talk to other employee for a few, then realize they need to come back later.
Toni: *enters older black woman* Shirley! Can you notarize this! And where is the paper [template to print their certificates on]?
Shirley: It's up there. *looks at form* Toni, you need to white out their name. If the drivers license has the full name, they gotta print their full name.
Toni: Oh I'm sorry.
We fill out our names again. Toni prints our certificates.
Us: Um, this isn't correct. You have our name here as middle first last.
Toni: Really? Can I see your drivers licenses again?
Toni: *looks carefully and compares* Oh lord Jesus! *to man* Why'd you tell me wrong?
Me: He did you wrong!
Shirley: Toni, that's why there is an "L" "F" and "M"
Toni: Shirley! How do I change it?
Shirley: You gotta type a C!
Toni: *types, adds another paper, tries to print* Shirley! It won't print!
Shirley: You gotta type a Y for Yes I want another copy.
The second copy prints. Mike's name is fixed. Mine is still incorrect.
Toni: Oh lord! This is crazy! I'm so sorry.
Us: No problem. *We grab the original incorrect one for laughs later*
Toni begins printing our third one, except, someone else in the office clicks print, so their stupid other thing comes out on our template, and our correct one comes out on a plain paper.
Toni: Jesus! Hold on!
While Toni finishes messing with the printer, the old woman in her brown poncho gets up, and heads over to us. She looks at us, looks at the screen, probably the names, and says
Old woman: So...is this two Mazel Tovs?
Us: Why yes it is.
Old woman: Congratulations! I already had one this week!
Us: Thank you!
Old woman: Mazel Tov!
Toni prints our form correctly, brings it to the cashier, and apologizes 5 more times before we tell each other to have a good weekend.
Btw, we are #1061 since Oct. 1, 2003